My Love Song
by unprettyxxgirl
Summary: She saw his soft side and for once she was happy but can he ever forgive Ashley for her mistakes? [sequel to: dear ashley]
1. Even In Death

My Love Song  
  
She saw his soft side and for once she was happy  
  
But can he ever forgive Ashley for her mistakes?  
  
Contains; Romance, Drama  
  
Main Characters; Ashley, Spinner, Terri, Paige  
  
Chapter One; Even In Death  
  
+ - + - +  
  
I will stay forever here with you, my love  
  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
  
Even in death our love goes on  
  
And I can't love you, anymore than I do  
  
"Turn it off!" I yell after Ellie as I lie on my bed. I know she's looking at me evilly. I hear the button click and the rhythm of the guitar stops. That song just gets to me. Hurts me, like I hurt Spinner. It's sad, like a burning house. I hear Ellie's shoes come towards me but I don't look at her, I know the look she will show. The look of how stupid I am, how childish.  
  
"What's up with you, Ash?" Ellie asks looking down on me.  
  
"I just don't feel like listening to those stupid sappy songs, all right?" I say finally turning to her. Her blank face tells me everything. We stare at each other for a moment. She rolls her eyes.  
  
"Oh, I get it, you are still 'heart-broken'," she says putting up two fingers on each hand as she rolls her eyes. She walks away from my side. I push myself up and stay there with my elbows for support.  
  
"You don't know anything about this, Ellie," I say offended. She looks at me.  
  
"Well, since I'm the one who is obviously stupid, I'll be the one to leave," she grabs her bag and walks out my door, shutting it with a vast slam. I tremble from the vibration. I moan and put my hands on my forehead, falling backwards onto my bed. I can't hate life any more right now.  
  
+ - + - +  
  
I walk into the school tired as ever. I couldn't sleep last night; I kept waking up thinking that stupid love song was on. I hold onto my binder as I reach my locker.  
  
"Ash, can't wait till tomorrow," Terri says appearing to the locker next to me. I smirk.  
  
"Yeah, you can't, but I can. When you leave, all hope is lost for me, no one to talk to," I say joining her by leaning against the locker.  
  
"C'mon, Ash. You have Ellie," she says. I shake my head a little.  
  
"Not exactly, I think she's mad at me," I say squinting my eyes at Terri.  
  
"Oh, well, ya know, you two will work it out," she assures me.  
  
"I wish I was going to Europe, I need it right about now," I say raising my eyebrows. She smiles.  
  
"Ash, you make it sound like your life as come to an end. Spinner is just trying to be hard to get," Terri rolls her eyes.  
  
"Yeah but I wish he could understand that I never wanted Craig," I explain.  
  
"Listen, Ash, he'll soon realize that he's an idiot and come crawling back," she exaggerates. She removes herself from the locker as I smile. I watch her walk off. I really hope Spinner will realize that it was a mistake, and I don't want to be with Craig. I want to be with him. The bell finally rings and I roll my eyes annoyed. I walk off with a slouched back to Mr. Simpson's class.  
  
+ - + - +  
  
I wait for Terri at the empty round white table. I didn't get anything to eat. I'm not really that hungry. Only stupidity fills my stomach.  
  
"Hey, loner," Jimmy sits beside me. I look over at him and smile.  
  
"Yeah, the loner for a while," I say looking away. He chuckles. I look at him. "I'm so stupid," I say crossing my arms.  
  
"No you're not," he says. I sigh.  
  
"You know Terri's leaving tomorrow, Ellie's mad at me, Paige hates me, Spinner hates me, god I am the outcast," I arise from my seat. He grabs my arm.  
  
"Ash, no one hates you," he stands up.  
  
"I'm a total screw up," I say putting my hand to my head. I feel like crying and I know Jimmy can tell. He puts his arm around me and we start out of the cafeteria. I stare straight ahead as we stand outside the cafeteria in the empty halls of silence. He takes his arms back.  
  
"You shouldn't be saying that," he tells me.  
  
"Look what I've done to him! I'm the worst girlfriend anyone could imagine," I say loudly. He holds onto my shoulders.  
  
"No you're not! We all make mistakes, Ash! I know I have made them," he whispers the last part. I look at him. "And one was letting you go," he mumbles. I don't think I was meant to hear that, but I did. My eyes are wide and my body's stiff. He looks away not knowing I heard him. I swallow. Jimmy still has feelings for me? Even after everything? He finally looks at me.  
  
"But I hurt you too," I say breaking the silence. He knows I heard him. "After Craig, I knew how you felt," I whisper. "I'm sorry," he nods.  
  
"You're sweet, Ash," he says smiling. I smile too. "You have a chance," he tells me. "With Spin," his eyes fall onto the floor.  
  
"Do you really think so?" I ask. His eyes shift. "Are you okay?" I ask. He nods and sniffles a bit. Is he crying? He steps away from me and hurries down the hall. I watch him. I never knew this would affect Jimmy. Out of all people, I thought we were over. Maybe were just beginning. No, that's crazy, Jimmy and me all over again? I love Spinner. No one else but Spinner, and that's who I want to be with. The doors fly open and out comes the giggling Paige and Terri. I observe them as they stop laughing.  
  
"Uhum," Paige folds her arms. "I remember that face," she says coldly. I look down at the floor.  
  
"Paige, c'mon," Terri butts-in.  
  
"Whatever, I have to meet up with Spinner," she rubs in. After a while of being in grade 11, Spinner and Paige became friends again. I think Spinner did it to get back at me. Paige convinced herself it was my entire fault that Spinner went against her. I thought Grade 10 was bad.  
  
"Okay, Paige, just go," I say firmly. She walks closer towards me.  
  
"Too bad that you couldn't hold onto him, Ash," she whispers. "But I know someone who can," I look at her. She smirks and raises an eyebrow before walking off. I look over at Terri.  
  
"Ash, you know Spinner will never date Paige," Terri comforts me.  
  
"Paige does whatever can do get what she wants, and in the end, she gets it," I say. I look down the halls at Paige's trail. I shake my head and walk hurriedly away from Terri. I find myself against a random locker for I can't hold it in any longer. I feel the tears well up and as I blink, one of pain runs down my cheek, I let it fall and many more too, but it doesn't matter if I counted a million see through tears, Spinner won't be here to wipe them away.  
  
A/N: How is it so far? 


	2. Horrible

My Love Song  
  
She saw his soft side and for once she was happy  
  
But can he ever forgive Ashley for her mistakes?  
  
Contains; Romance, Drama  
  
Main Characters; Ashley, Spinner, Terri, Paige  
  
Chapter Two; Horrible  
  
+ - + -+  
  
"The truth?" Ellie asks Marco while her and him sit on the classroom table in the back. Marco nods. Ellie laughs and looks at the picture. "Well, you don't look good in red," she says. Marco and her laugh. I sigh as I approach the two. Ellie observes me. I look back at her.  
  
"Do I sense tension in the air?" Marco teasingly says as he looks back and forth at our faces. I lick my lips.  
  
"Ellie," I say. She just stares at me. "I'm sorry," I apologize. She nods. "I didn't mean to jump down your throat," I add.  
  
"You mean, because I was right?" she says half-asking.  
  
"What?" I ask confused. She removes her self from the table and steps up to me.  
  
"About you still being hung up on Spinner. Ash, it's been forever!" she says firmly. The rest of the class starts to pour in through the doors in the front of the room. I look at the staring faces and then back at Ellie.  
  
"Not right now, Ellie," I tell her quietly. Ellie looks at the staring class too before looking back at me. She nods and walks away. The chattering of the students begins again and I become a bit more relaxed. I sit down in the seat in a random seat and look over at Ellie's careless face that's only a few feet away from me. Ms. Kwan enters the class but still no one quiets.  
  
"All right class," she starts. A hush befalls the room and before she can begin Paige enters the class. She stops in front of Ms. Kwan and everyone has eyes on her.  
  
"Sorry, Ms. Kwan, I had to gather up some assignments," Paige excuses herself. Ms. Kwan nods.  
  
"Take a seat, Paige," she says pointing her pen to the class in no particular direction. Paige's eyes narrow evilly towards me before choosing a seat in the front. This is a living nightmare. Ms. Kwan glares at Paige before starting to speak again.  
  
"Okay, homework," she starts off. No one says anything, which is sort of surprising. She looks surprised herself. "Everyone did do it, right?" she asks for assurance. I look around the class hearing that everyone indeed did do that homework and that there was no complaint. I look back at Ms. Kwan. She smiles in delight. "Good, so, who wants to start us off with one of their own poems?" She asks still in glee. Paige almost immediately raises her hand. It shot up without warning. Weird, Paige never reads her poems unless she has a real reason. Ms. Kwan nudges towards Paige and Paige arises from her seat carrying a thin sheet of paper up to the front of the class with her. Ms. Kwan decides to sit in the back of the class.  
  
"I'll sit here so that I can see your postures and see if you're using good projection," she explains. Paige nods nervously. She looks over at the classroom door, which stands open. She smiles in a flirty way. I lean over to see what she is so happy about. Spinner stands in the doorway, further away that he isn't seen by Kwan. I look behind me at her but she doesn't notice him, she scribbles something down on her clipboard. I look back at Paige.  
  
His eyes are radiant sunbeams They burn brightly into mine Like the wishing stars in the sky For me, they forever shine Clasp onto my hand Hold me in your heart Nothing or no one Will ever tear us apart  
  
She smiles as she removes the paper from her face. Everyone claps. Even Spinner does so as he stands at the door. She chuckles to herself and sits down in her seat. Nothing or no one? Could that no one be me? And who was it about? That was the worst poem ever written.  
  
"That was great, Paige. A little short but you projected nicely and said it with meaning, great job," Ms. Kwan says. Paige smiles sweetly. I roll my eyes and before Ms. Kwan can ask for someone new, I raise my hand sharply. "Would you like to go next?" she asks. I don't reply. I just grab my paper determinedly and walk angrily up to the front.  
  
Torn and ripped to shreds This is how I feel One mistake can cause you To make this pain You never made me frown Made me nothing but happy I've broken both of us I made this a tragedy I still hold the times When I didn't cry But living this torture Won't dry my eyes So, hate me forever Believe I'm see through Doesn't matter how much you hate me I'll always love you  
  
I stare at my paper and even when I'm finished the class is silent. I look over at the doorway as I start to hear the roars of the room. He still stands there, watching. Does he love me too?  
  
+ - + -+  
  
"Ashley, that poem was amazing," Ms. Kwan says as her hands grip onto my shoulders. I find myself slightly smiling. "I have to say it's one of your best work," she says folding her arms. I chuckle quietly.  
  
"Thanks Ms. Kwan," I say in gratitude. Paige arrives with her arms folded too and as predicted, glares my way.  
  
"I thought it was tedious and pathetic," Paige says. I look at her surprised.  
  
"Paige, what did you say?" Ms. Kwan asks. She adjusts herself.  
  
"Well it's true! Ms. Kwan, you don't think that writing about her screwing up ONCE AGAIN is creative do you?" Paige asks. Ms. Kwan puts her hands on her hips.  
  
"Actually, I don't know much about Ashley's personal life and if this poem is about a mistake she certainly understands her feelings and understands her consequences for them and that is what is creative," Ms. Kwan defends. I silently laugh hard in my mind but I smile aloud with a bit of attitude. I look at Paige. "Now, if you don't want to get detention, you'll apologize to Ashley," Ms. Kwan says folding her arms once again. She looks at me for a second and I look back unafraid. Paige sighs before looking back at Ms. Kwan with an answer.  
  
"I'll see you in detention," and with that she walks past me. I swallow and look at the floor.  
  
"Ashley, don't let small things get to you. If Paige feels your poem wasn't its greatest, that's her opinion," Ms. Kwan says sitting against her desk. I nod. "And for the record, it wasn't pathetic," she smiles. She walks away from her desk and to the back of the room. More kids start walking in like before. I guess I should head off to class too. I walk outside the doors into the crowded hallways.  
  
"That poem did rock," Ellie approaches me. We don't stop to chat. I smirk. "You know, I saw Spinner," she announces with a smile. I turn to her as we still walk with a fast pace. She grins.  
  
"You think that poem was for Spinner?" I ask looking forward again slightly worried.  
  
"I know it was for Spinner," she corrects me. "And Ellie is right," she says proudly.  
  
"Okay, I admit, I still like him, but he doesn't like me anymore," I say convincing myself.  
  
"Ash, shut-up, you know he still likes you," Ellie says. Now I stop right in front of her.  
  
"I'm not so sure I believe that one but I know someone who still does," I say.  
  
"You're not going for Craig now are you?" she asks troubled. I roll my eyes.  
  
"No, of course not," I tell her.  
  
"Then," she asks for more.  
  
"Jimmy," I whisper. She gasps as her eyes widen.  
  
"You are going to date Jimmy? Again?" she says practically yelling. I look around at the unfamiliar faces before cueing Ellie to keep it down.  
  
"No, no! He likes me!" I say.  
  
"Still? God, that poor boy," she says jokingly. I shake my head.  
  
"Ellie, how can I go on like this?" I ask. We start walking again.  
  
"Like what?" she asks.  
  
"I dated Spinner! Jimmy's best friend. All that time he must have felt so horrible. I hurt everyone I know," I complain to her. She chuckles.  
  
"Stay away from me, I'd like to keep my stability," she jokes. I roll my eyes.  
  
"I'm serious, Ellie. I hurt Jimmy so many times, I have to do something," I suggest to myself.  
  
"Like get him some therapy?" she continues to kid. I groan.  
  
"Ellie," I say.  
  
"Ash, Jimmy likes you, big deal? He'll have to get over it sometime! The only favor you can do him right now is say 'hey, dude, get a life, get a girlfriend!' Believe me, because if you don't, you'll have your own little dog, named Jimmy," she says. I sigh as we walk into our next class.  
  
+ - + -+  
  
I turn the familiar corners and watch the faces of the people who once knew me as Spinner's girlfriend. I peak around the last sharp corner to find Spinner alone at his locker with his headphones on that are loud enough to hear from where I stand. I quietly breathe. Two boys start heading in my direction, but not towards me. There is one with dark chocolate hair, the other with dirty blonde. I ignore them and start to walk towards Spinner but one of the boys call my name. I look at him. It's Chocolate.  
  
"Ashley," he says. I stare cautiously. The two walk towards me and I look over at Spinner.  
  
"Do I know you?" I ask. Chocolate shakes his head.  
  
"We've seen you around," he says a little cocky. I become confused. He walks closer. "Care to show us what's under that little black shirt of yours," he whispers grabbing onto my hips. I eradicate his hands.  
  
"Get off of me!" I say resolutely. He doesn't listen. He grabs me again, but harder, and pulls me close and whispers into my ear.  
  
"Don't be a tease, c'mon," he says calmly holding onto me with his determined hands.  
  
"Get the hell off of me!" I scream deafeningly. I try to kick but my legs are knotted within his and his hands anesthetized my arms.  
  
"Hey, get off!" I hear someone yell. Chocolate promptly steps away from me and before I can apply a hit, Spinner does. Spinner punches him hard and Chocolate bangs against the locker loudly and clutches onto his nose, which quickly starts to discharge of blood. He removes his hand to see the red liquid covering them. The other boy seems to have already sprinted off but Spinner goes after Chocolate yet again and as he begins throwing punches, I scuttle over to him pull the two apart since this time Chocolate's decided to fight back.  
  
"Okay, Spinner, stop!" I grip onto Spinner's arms. I manage to tear him away and let Chocolate get to his feet. We both watch him scurry down the halls still holding his nose. I gaze at Spinner and vice versa. His right cheek looks severely red and has a small bloody cut in the center. I vaguely touch it but he pulls away. Not from the twinge but from me. It hurts to know I can't touch him like I use to.  
  
"You need some ice on it," I state. He shakes his head.  
  
"I'll be fine," he tells me. I disagree.  
  
"Look, I know you hate me, but right now, I'm going to help," I grab onto his arm and we start to walk down the halls.  
  
A/N: All the chapters will be titled with real life songs so if you want any information on the songs like the artist, just ask ;o) 


	3. In The End

My Love Song  
  
She saw his soft side and for once she was happy  
  
But can he ever forgive Ashley for her mistakes?  
  
Contains; Romance, Drama  
  
Main Characters; Ashley, Spinner, Terri, Paige  
  
Chapter Three; In The End  
  
+ - + -+  
  
"Look, just, just hold still," I say sitting on Spinner's couch, holding down Spinner's arm with my left hand and cleaning his cut with my right. He winces. "Spinner," I say annoyed. He finally pulls away hard and eliminates himself from beside me. He stands up and looks at me. "I'm trying to help here," I say glancing up at him. He shakes his head.  
  
"I don't need help," Spinner says tightly. I heave a sigh. "You know this isn't about that," he explains.  
  
"It's about Craig," I say upset by the name. It gets quiet before he sits back down.  
  
"It's about us," he corrects. I look over at him. Us? That sounds so good and so right.  
  
"Us?" I ask giving him a little smirk.  
  
"I know who that poem was about," he tells me a bit nervous. I swallow.  
  
"Did you like it?" I ask squinting my eyes. He nodded slightly. "I meant it. All of it, everything," I say readjusting myself towards him. "I don't hate you like you think I do. I don't hate you for breaking up with me," I truthfully say.  
  
"And I don't hate you," he says quickly. That's such a relief. "But it seems like you've made me into the bad guy since this year started, when all that happened, I didn't know if you were still hung up on Craig!" He says loudly and sounding angry.  
  
"You didn't need to take my word for it, Spinner. If you loved me the way I thought you did I wouldn't have to keep telling you," I defend.  
  
"We said a lot of things we didn't mean," the silence around us condenses quickly, as we look each other in the eye so closely. I could feel wet tears and I could feel my frown becoming so low to the ground. In this moment I can only see his eyes, hurt but confused, I can picture us breaking apart, tearing away everything we once had. All the words we once mentioned and our love. I blink profusely.  
  
"You didn't love me," I whisper. He doesn't speak and we stay positioned for a while. I start to whimper stiffly. I shake my head and remove myself from the couch. I walk a few feet away and lean against the cold white wall as I let my face fall into my hands. I cry penetratingly and my whole body trembles. Then I feel his arms around my shoulders holding me close.  
  
"I'm sorry-"  
  
"Get away from me!" I yell throwing his hands off of me. I look at him straightforwardly. "You lied to me! I loved you, Spinner, I still love you!" I cry out.  
  
"You throw love around like it's nothing! You love everyone!" he shouts back.  
  
"How could you do that? You do hate me because no one who even cared a little bit wouldn't lie to me about something like that!" I yell.  
  
"I just saved you! How could you say I don't care?" I remind me.  
  
"But what about after the whole break up thing? You didn't show me then," I snap.  
  
"Yeah because I thought you didn't want me, you wanted Craig! But I was stupid I'm sorry"  
  
"I've always wanted you, Spinner," I whisper firmly. "When I was with you, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else and when I wasn't with you, I'd think about you steadily. My life has been a living hell without you," I say furiously.  
  
"I've missed you too"  
  
"Well why couldn't you love me? Why can't you love me, Spinner?" He doesn't say anything. I can hear him almost crying though, but it isn't enough. He hunches his back and lowers his head so I can't see. He sniffles. I walk rapidly past him and he follows me with his eyes as I fling the door open and shut it hard. What to do now.  
  
+ - + -+  
  
I sit on my porch with my arms around my legs rocking myself slowly back and forth as I look beyond the houses into front of me into the pale blue sky. I can't believe he lied to me all that time. When I thought I had someone . . . oh why does it matter, I should have known. I've lost Jimmy, Sean, Craig, and now Spinner. I sigh heavily. And fall backwards onto my porch where I lye there uncaring if I look stupid or if they see most of my stomach.  
  
"You really should have gotten your belly button pierced," I hear a voice in front of me. Okay, maybe I do care a little but not enough to pull it down. Before I can sit up, he sits beside me. Jimmy, of course. He sits there holding a basketball in his hands, smiling down on me. "It would be cute," he shrugs. I smile politely. "I know that smile, what's up?" he asks. I look away from him out into the sky.  
  
"I got into an argument," I confess. "With Spinner," I add. He too looks out into the distance sort of bothered at mentioning him. I look at him again but he doesn't look back. "Jimmy, what's wrong?" I ask. He shakes his head as he looks down at his twirling basketball.  
  
"Nothing," he says flatly.  
  
"Something, is it me? Is it Spinner?" I ask. He doesn't say anything. "Jimmy, please," I beg.  
  
"Ash, it's nothing, okay," He says angry as he looks over at me. I don't say anything else and he doesn't. I sigh.  
  
"Jimmy," I pause. "Do you . . . still . . . ya know . . . like me?" I ask unsure. He nods.  
  
"Yeah, Ash . . . I do," he admits bluntly, something I really didn't expect. I don't know what to say. Should I hug him? Kiss him? I'm speechless.  
  
"And you hate that me and Spinner were together?" I ask some more.  
  
"Yes, okay. Seeing my best friend with my ex girlfriend, that made my day," he says looking out again.  
  
"But, Jimmy, we've tried so many times before and it never worked," I remind him.  
  
"Keyword, before," he says shrugging again.  
  
"What do you mean?" I request.  
  
"I mean, yeah I know, we failed a couple times but maybe this time it'll be different," he explains wistfully. "You taught me my lesson, Ash," he goes on. He leans in for the kiss of approval. I find myself closing my eyes as I still lay on my hard cement porch. He's so close now, I feel him breathing at my lips. My lips tremble and I know his do too. I wait for the moment and . . . 


	4. Calling All Angels

My Love Song  
  
She saw his soft side and for once she was happy  
  
But can he ever forgive Ashley for her mistakes?  
  
Contains; Romance, Drama  
  
Main Characters; Ashley, Spinner, Terri, Paige  
  
Chapter Three; Calling All Angels  
  
+ - + -+  
  
I look away so that his soft lips fall against my cheek. His eyes pop open and I turn my head back. I barely breathe as I look into his dark chocolate eyes. He swallows.  
  
"I'm sorry," I whisper softly. He looks away and backs up from my face. He removes himself from the stairs and starts off. I lift myself up. "Jimmy don't be like this!" I yell after him. He turns around.  
  
"What? Be like what?" he asks angry.  
  
"I want things to work between us but they won't, why can't we just be friends?" I say walking over to him.  
  
"Okay, fine, we're friends," He starts walking away again.  
  
"So what I have to make out with you to be on your good side? Look, I've been through enough today don't make this worse," I say firmly.  
  
"Ash, if you wanna date Spin, go ahead," he says slapping his hands to his sides. I grab onto Jimmy's shirt and slam him against my sturdy house. I pin him.  
  
"Stop being an asshole and listen," I demand. He doesn't say anything. "I never knew you still had feelings for me. I didn't know you hated the idea of me and spinner, okay?" I explain.  
  
"Do you still like me?" he asks quickly. I shake my head barely.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You asked me, now I'm asking you. Do you?"  
  
"I don't know, Jimmy, I'm so confused"  
  
"Kiss me, Ash," he says seriously.  
  
"Jimmy, what are talking about?"  
  
"Kiss me, Ash, lets see if I'm right about us"  
  
"Jimmy, no"  
  
"Ash, just do it"  
  
"Jimmy, I'm not going to kiss you!"  
  
"Do it!" I press my lips firmly against his but soon I don't want to let go. My hands let go of his shirt and outline his shoulder as our lips press against each other. I feel his arm around my back pull me so close. The other hand lays softly against my cheek feeling warm and smooth. We both pull away at the same time. We stare at each other as I start to slowly back away. I put my fingers to my lips. Did I just kiss Jimmy? Did I just kiss Jimmy and feel better? But now I feel worse. Spinner. I put my hand to my head. "I was right," he whispers. My eyes shift across the ground.  
  
"I-I-what," I don't know what to say. I shake my head. "I can't"  
  
"Ash, you can't deny it now," he says walking towards me holding out his arms. "Now can we talk? Really talk?"  
  
"About?" I ask.  
  
"Us"  
  
A/N: short chap ... 


End file.
